Taking on a New Role

This next, best chapter of my life has me taking on a new role: a divorced woman.  Wow.  That is strange to type, even though my soon-to-be-ex husband and I have been separated for five months already. I have been through so much in the past sixteen months, and for the most part I have shared what has been happening with only a few close friends and my family.  My journey began with disbelief and devastation, moved to a bit of hopefulness, arrived at resignation, and is now setting out on what I believe is going to be an amazing adventure.

On Saturday morning I woke up in a home that is now only mine.  After living in first a cozy apartment and then a beautiful home with my husband for almost twenty-eight years, I now live alone in that beautiful home. For the majority of our separation, we have lived in separate areas of the house amicably.  For the last two months we have pretty much given each other as much space as possible. As his moving day approached, I imagined what the house would be like once he officially moved out. Would it feel sad? Lonely? Empty?  What I am feeling is peace, happiness, and hope.  I am now surrounded by only the things that make me happy.  I have started changing each room up a little bit, so my surroundings are familiar but feel different, improved.

Different and improved is how I feel too. I am not the same woman I was sixteen months ago.  What I have gone through has changed me- in a spectacular way.  It sounds cliché, but looking back I am glad this happened.  I never thought I would believe that, but I do.  If I had not been forced to look at the truth of my marriage, I would have spent another thirty years in a relationship where I was not respected or honored.  Also, I would not have learned to love myself; I truly had no idea that I placed myself so low on the list of those who deserved my attention.  It has taken therapy and a lot of work to realize that I need to be on the top of that list.  There is a saying “If Mama ain’t happy, then no one’s happy”.  There is a lot of truth to that.  If I had lived by that saying, my life would be very different; I would have gotten divorced years ago.  The fact that my children are now grown and out of the house makes it a bit easier to focus on my happiness. In this next, best chapter, that is exactly what I plan to do!

Stay tuned…